lovely night last night. i highly recommend tarot/reiki shares.
it seems everything in my life is pointing to shifting my perspective and direction…or possibly reclaiming my original purpose. for most of my life, i’ve turned away from what truly interests me; from what i love; from what i was designed to do. i’ve suppressed the stuff of my gut for the responsible, rational, linear road.
and now it seems, the world is working hard to point me somewhere else. animals have come into the picture to show me a better way. the tarot last night laid this out on my coffee table, cushioned by a silk scarf. it came to me in our talk that abandoning my creative core, my art, is some sort of self-inflicted punishment. an old punishment started by my father, who would take away my paper and pencil when i didn’t conform to his idea of who i should be. now, instead of the ache in my hands, the ache is systemic and i don’t know who i am at all.
so, what to do? i don’t know. drop it all now? move cautiously or with wild abandon? learn to accept the mundane and eek out a private reality? i can get stuck in the planning phase and never move on. that would by typical. but i don’t have that kind of time at this stage of my life. if i don’t move now, i could miss a *real* opportunity. this too, would be typical.
i don’t want to be typical. i’d rather be a wild and crazy crone.