so, my dad died this morning. i didn’t expect it. even though he was frail. even though he suffered from a sad heart and a confused mind, i didn’t expect it.
but i am relieved because the dread of lingering in a state of dementia is something i didn’t want to see him go through. he’d not been happy or content in this state. for years he was able to fool the world because he was so smart. but i knew. and so did he.
he had a quick and apparently quiet heart attack. i don’t think there was time to suffer. i don’t think he had the acuity to even know what hit him.
i said goodbye at the funeral home. they were kind enough to cover him in quilted white satin as he lay on the gurney waiting for transportation to the crematorium. i didn’t know i wanted to see him until this afternoon. i realized that i needed to say goodbye. i needed to finish this.
so i looked him over, setting his last image in my mind. the change in color, texture and temperature. i laid my hand on his forehead and felt his cold.
i said goodbye to my dad.
i wonder when the tears will come…
October 20th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
I wonder when the tears will come
I am still wondering and my mom passed last November. I get hit at strange times. I still catch myself picking up the phone to call her.
If you need anything, you know where to find me.
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October 20th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
sympathy
So sorry to hear about your dad. Lotsa hugs.
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October 19th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Big hugs, Linda. It’s never easy. He was your dad.
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October 19th, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Big hugs. Sorry for your loss.
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October 18th, 2008 at 4:22 am
Sympathies.
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October 18th, 2008 at 4:06 am
I am sorry for your loss. The tears will probably come when you least expect them.
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October 18th, 2008 at 3:37 am
hugs
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October 18th, 2008 at 2:57 am
be well
you’re in our hearts right now
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October 18th, 2008 at 1:02 am
It’s always a big thing when a parent dies
Take care of yourself.
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October 18th, 2008 at 12:39 am
~quiet hugs~ Oh, lovey.
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