Tag Archives: balloons

I don’t know quite what to do with myself.

This was my last day working at Villanova. 18 years–a chunk of time, that. I feel like I’ve aged 10 years this week. I hope it’s reversible.

The day was better than I thought it would be. Lee wanted to go through some stuff she’ll need to know, taking up a fair bit of the morning. Lots of people coming by to say bye. A fun, somewhat raucous lunch with Lee, Phylis and Kathy set me up for the rest of the afternoon. I thought I’d be leaving early, but Luisa needed to go through things and I needed to go through things, and Lee and I needed to pretend we weren’t ready for a good cry. We’ve been partners for 15 years and leaving her is just the hardest thing I’ve done. Harder than divorcing those old husbands.

So around 3:30 I sent out my final email, set my mail to forward to Lee, gathered up my stuff and managed to walk out the door 15 minutes later.

for the last time

When I got to the car, I set my “good luck” balloons free and drove home.


drums, bells, bowls and balloons

the drumming circle was quite large last night. i was tired from a very stressful week. someone told me, the only thing worse than being a lame duck employee is being the new kid on the block. i’m not sure i agree…this is pretty bad. i fear the next two weeks are going to be longer and harder than i had anticipated. for the most part, my colleagues are sad but happy for me, a few seemed strained and just a couple are spitefully hostile. but, none of this is my problem anymore, i tell myself. over and over.

so, i needed to be drumming with women more than i realized. it took me awhile to loosen up enough to find the rhythm. i don’t think i succeeded completely…but that’s ok. it’s always ok to fuck up there. no one judges you there.

as the talking stick went round, the theme that emerged was, “what an annoying week!” but, of course that was just the top layer of talk, just the opening words. the talk dug deeper, as it always does, unearthing stories of lousy jobs starting and stopping or going nowhere, of mothers and children coming together, of starvation, aids, courage and strength in the face of oppression and ultimately of love and the pursuit of peace.

i’m learning to love quaker women.

they put me in the center of the circle for my birthday. i didn’t expect that. i still feel a bit of the outsider…not really part of them, though that’s just me feeling that way, without a shred of evidence to support it. bells, bowls, gongs, a tuning fork to my heart. sitting in the center, being centered. it was amazing to feel so surrounded, safe and special.

and then…the sound of a balloon farting in my ear! i opened my eyes to see balloons being blown up and the air squeezing out, with impish glee through tightly held, rubbery lips. ha! bunch of silly women bringing me back, laughing and taking it all none too seriously. so, for the next two weeks i’m gong to go to work with balloons in my pocket.

i really love these quaker women!

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