Tag Archives: insomnia

it’s possible i’m watching too many zombie shows

Several months ago, while in that misty, gray space between dreamworld and awakeworld, I felt my body completely at ease with no hint of pain anywhere. The sense of no pain shocked me fully awake bringing back to consciousness the accumulated pain of a 60+ year old body. I tried so very hard to find that place again, arranging my body parts in the exact same way they were when I was between worlds and free.

no luck.

I woke up this morning around 3am with a loud brain thinking disjointed thoughts, rapidly and in no particular order. Sleep was gone gone gone. Around 5am I considered getting up to make coffee. Instead, I remembered that place of ease from months before and gave it a second try. Arranging my body just like it had been before, I drifted away. My success was disrupted by the rudest, most gruesome nightmare — full of blood, pain, terror, and shit — that I think I’ve ever had.

next time, i’ll just go make coffee.

pre-thanksgiving ramblings

Brni has been in NYC the past two days, so time shifted to *my* time, which is decidedly different from regular time. My time doesn’t measure out in any reliable or regular way. It jumps and stalls and often just leaves the room to do what, I don’t know. I suppose time is being kind and leaving me alone for a bit.


Usually, when Brni is gone I sleep differently. I end up in the middle of the bed adapting a more sprawling attitude. The night usually goes faster because I wake up less often when I’m alone, but last night I didn’t sleep at all. I was wound up from a full day and night working on The Spine Witch digital painting. I finished it several times, went downstairs to go to bed, only to get up within a few minutes to go up and make a change. Finally around 3am I gave up and just stayed upstairs and worked on some new ideas. When I my brain started to tremble around 5am, I was finally able to crawl into bed and sleep for a few hours.

Insomnia like this hasn’t plagued me in years and years. Used to happen all the time in my teens and twenties, when I was better able to shrug off fatigue. Don’t try this in your 50’s–it’s really counter-productive and way more painful.

When I woke up, I followed Loki out the bedroom to let her out and make coffee. Loki trotted out to the living room, stopped abruptly with hackles raised and barked her high-pitched howly-bark she usually reserves for the UPS man. I looked up worried that there was an intruder when I realized that what startled my brilliant, protective dog was the sun streaming through the window. I guess a week or so of rainy gray weather is long enough for a dog to forget what the sun looks like.

Around 11am I decided to do all my errands in case I collapsed unexpectedly. I donned the sweatshirt I use for the “in-between” seasons (above freezing/under 60) and was shocked into removing it by the heat. Here it is, the day before T-day and it’s like 65 degrees out! So, off came the sweatshirt and off I went to the bank, then the dog food store and people food store.

Brni requested persimmons, so I looked for them at Whole Foods but no luck. They did have them at Yang’s, so Brni gets to try his hand at Dave’s Famous Persimmon Pudding. Me, I’m just making a big green salad for my T-day offering.

My last stop was the likker store for wine. I noted another oddity of Pennsylvania’s state stores today. All the state stores I’ve patronized have two doors. One door is entrance only and you must push it open like the doors of yesteryear. The other door is exit only and it opens automagically.

hmmm….I guess they want you to work for your spirits.


It’s after 6pm and I’m still up. My brain is foggy and my fingers fumbly so I’m certain I’ll have a lovely nights sleep tonight, even if Brni snores.

Hope those of you in the US have a happy T-day with lots of really good food. Here’s to salad and persimmon pudding.

insomnia and sky gifts

so i started tossing and turning around 2:30 this morning. loki came to bed around 4 and i finally gave up the thought of getting back to sleep at 4:30 and went and made coffee. as i made my second cup, i walked out on the deck and looked up catching sight of an early morning meteor shower.

i’m kind of glad i woke up to see shooting stars.

i can always take a nap later on.

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