everytime someone goes through to the staff lounge, the door bangs loud enough to hurt my ears. each collegue is good for two bangs. none are kind enough to close the door gently. the UPS guy comes by once a day and loads and unloads large numbers of boxes of ILL books. he scans and beeps each friggin box. to the right of my desk, between me and the loudly and constantly banging door is a free standing, metal, double-sided shelving unit with all the books that belong to faculty for this semesters course work. people stand on the other side and whisper loudly enough for me to hear their gossip. for some reason they think these books make me deaf and dumb. i find this strangely amusing. this may also be why they don’t think that a loudly banging door is a problem. a lot of people think that since there is no fourth wall and door separating my desk and equipment from them, they can take my supplies and not return or replace them. i do not find this amusing. even though there are only three walls and no door defining my space, there is no airflow — just people flow.
it’s sort of like working in a fishbowl resting on it’s side.

is it possible? has something changed? realigned? shifted so that i can free myself of the drudgeries and the burden of spending every day doing things i find annoying and unsatisfying? is it possible i can spend time with people i choose doing things that are meaningful or just fun?
koochy-koo, baby! it just might be!

is it just me or is there a magnifying glass aimed at our heads? it’s getting uncomfortably hot down here and everything seems bigger and meaner. i have a nagging suspicion that someone is pumping toxic gasses into all the nooks and crannies. and do you think someone has gone ’round the place with a large whet stone sharpening all the edges?

a long time ago, i bought this book which i never read called voluntary simplicity. i just now moved it from the will read before i die pile to the top of the read it now pile. i’m hoping it will help. i’ll let you know if find out how to smooth some edges, filter the air and maybe find a nice, soft, shady spot.

i think i’m almost recovered from the massive computer crash last thursday at work. still not completely sure what happened, but we think it was due to spyware which blew away my XP profile, taking my Netscrape mail profile with it. basically, i lost almost 4 days of work plus all my correspondence for the academic year plus about the last 6 months of 2003. i can’t even wrap my brain around the amount of loss and what the impact will be later on. for now, i have almost everything set up the way it needs to be (been working on that for 2 days), and i’m investigating ways of saving my mail so that i don’t lose it again.

so, i applied for an opening in the HR dept here at ‘nova. it’s a grade lower than my present position, but that’s fine by me as long as i can retain my present salary (which i think i can as long as i’m not earning more than the salary range for the lower grade). i’m also planning on sending in a resume for a position in our karate school. i’m sure that one will be a much lower salary, but at this point, i’ll do anything to get out of this library.

feeling kinda yucky ’bout the whole thing. not yucky about leaving the library…this place has gone to the dogs. i refuse to sit through another staff meeting being castigated by joe. almost every person i know who isn’t in his very small inner circle is either looking for a job elsewhere or is actively disassociating themselves emotionally. it’s really all you can do in a situation like this. can’t complain to anyone and expect anything to be done. that’s not the villanova way. no, i’m feeling yucky because i’ll be leaving some decent people out on a lurch…but, in a way, that’s rather satisfying…a bunch of people will finally find out what a bear running this dept. really is. heh. gee…i don’t think i feel yucky about leaving at all now. an evil sort of giddiness is bubbling up.

so…i hope something comes of the resumes. worse comes to worse, i’ll get a job baggin groceries at whole foods. actually, that sounds rather nice. go to work…hang out w/people into organics, yoga, and alternative lifestyles. no responsibility beyond the job. lots more time for art and gardening.

yeah…sounds better all the time.

myomy…the joe show was more than i could have hoped for. he yelled, he growled, he railed, he laughed, he empathized, he sympathized, he chastized. it was….the all joe show in all joe’s glory.

he wanted to talk about, “the two of us” (him and all of us). he likened our coming together 2 years ago on this day to a marriage. and the metaphor went on in all it’s overdone banality. and he went on to analyze this marriage…analyze his role and our role.

well, not exactly. he lauded his role, his vision, his insight. he described himself as an “intellectual instigator,” and he scolded us for being short-sighted backstabbers unwilling to embrace change. he publically chastized one staff member by name…referring to the particular incident not just once but twice.

and then, i forget in reference to what, he said, “i want to be like john edwards.”

ack

getting ready for the all staff meeting to [celebrate] the 2nd anniversary of our director. the past year has been so full of division and discord that to sit and listen for an hour (or more) to this man wax poetic, streaming his conscious all over our already salted wounds is going to take mega doses of rescue remedy.

the cold got to me. took off at lunchtime for rest of day. yay! ihatemyjob.
anyway, decided this would be the perfect afternoon to break down and buy wrist braces to quiet down the tunneling carps. i tried on every brace they had; noticed that other people had done the same but paid nary a nevermind to which box they put them back into so they were in the wrong boxes. so…after straightening out the pharmacy’s inventory of wrist braces, i bought the two that felt the most comfy and weren’t screamingly ugly.

so, now i’m practicing typing with them. is weird.

next, i have to try and draw w/them. i think it will be ok. the massage therapist told me to sleep with them on at night to keep from scrunching up my hands…i wonder if i can somehow make them sexy? *looking pointedly at braces* nah.

strange headline in sunday’s “parade” insert: “WE CAN STOP KILLER FIRES…plus Cooking for Couples.” ack. what were they thinking?

well, i guess i’m going to see what journaling online is like. brni thinks it’s a good thing and since brni’s usually right (cough), i thought i’d give it a try. kinda weird tho to think people can look at this shit (or even want to), but people do strange things all the time.

so right now i’m at work and very aggravated, which is the usual state i’m in at work nowadaze. the construction dudes are deconstructing the first & ground floor. i’ve been evicted from the space i was working in for the past 16 years. my eventual space will be an 18×18 foot walled in box. i’m so looking forward to no windows, no view, no room for my elbows and best of all–no ventilation!

it’s freezing up here in my temporary digs on the 2nd floor. i’m in an aisle along w/my workstation, scanning station and boxes full of my supplies. the most wonderful thing here is my little space heater which keeps my feet and ankles warm.

my tunneling carps are so aggravated by all this that my hands and arms are completely pain-ridden and getting worse hourly.

so…ok. yuk. next entry will have NOTHING to do w/work. end of work bitch.