unremarkably normal

so, i’m almost finished with the doctors.

doctors do very little for you nowadays. they have a nurse fetch your vitals for them; outside clinics, centers and/or hospitals take the tests and lab technicians read and analyze them. the doctor then has a nurse call you to read off the reports to you and then browbeat you into making another appointment with the doctor. ‘scuse me? what doctor? where? o, you mean that guy who walked in, read to me what you wrote in my chart (and already told me)? ah. that doctor.

anyway, almost two weeks before the echocardiogram and less than a week after the library turned the heat off in the building, all my symptoms disappeared. hmmm.

now i have a theory. the library has the most ridiculous hvac system this side of the mississippi. the heat is turned on in october and turned off in april. during that period of time it pumps out super heated air through the vents around the flourescent light fixtures in the ceiling. along with that comes all sorts of debris that is trapped up in that ceiling too. there are no thermostats. well, there are but they don’t work. they aren’t connected to anything. they are vestigal thermostats from the old system that they replaced in 89. last summer, my department was moved from a spacious room with lots of windows to a small corner blocked off by 3 brick walls, shelving and no windows. it’s a dead zone with no air circulation at all. i’ve been running a fan all winter so as not to pass out from the heat. so, my theory is that my symptoms were a combination of environmental stress along with the emotional crap that we all deal with everyday.

the doctor’s nurse called me and said, your labs are back. no lyme disease. all the stuff in my blood is normal. my cholesterol is a tad high. the hdl is whooping 103 (extremely good) but the ldl is a bit high (177). my thyroid is what this particular lab calls “normal.” apparently, the labs are the ones who decide what is normal, so normal varies from lab to lab. hmmm. from what i’ve read up on, my thyroid is sluggish. but, since this particular lab says it’s normal, it will be ignored for now. sigh.

and the xray tech said my chest is unremarkable.

so i tell the nurse my theory. she doesn’t listen. she says to go get the echocardiogram anyway. i ask why since my symptoms are gone and she asks, “how old are you? well, you’re due for one.” huh? since when are people DUE for echocardiograms? everybody wants a friggin baseline.

and then, after the echo, make an appt with the doctor for a complete physical exam. um, thought i just had one. apparently not. what more can there be? he’s looked at my heart, my lungs, my blood, he’s dosed me with xrays and soundwaves. he’s left me with 5 horrible sores on my chest and sides from the adhesive of the electrodes that they stuck to me for the 24 monitor.

AND EVERYTHING IS NORMAL AND MY SYMPTOMS ARE GONE.

they think they’ll do more tests.
no, they won’t.
they think they’ll put me on statins for a slightly elevated ldl reading when my hdl is off the charts.
no, they won’t.
they won’t treat my sluggish thyroid.
i guess i’ll have to figure that one out myself….kelp anyone? daily shoulder stands?

whatever happened to doctors who could examine you and figure out if you were sick or well?
brni says lawyers happened.

i think i’ll boil some dried nettles and oatstraw and go stand on my head for awhile.

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