ice cream and vodka dreams

how can it be? a child just turning 21 can be so comfortable with who she is…with no doubts that she is on the right path with the right people, about to do important things. i can hardly remember turning 21. my son was 2 years old and my husband and i would split up later that year. it was all a blur then and my vision hasn’t yet cleared.

i know more now. i managed to marry 3 men, raise 2 men, bury my mother and her entire family. i made stupid mistakes, compromised much, made little headway, and traded art for bread. but i did survive. with regrets.

somehow, i am in a good place now. i could pursue what i love. drawing. painting. digital art. food. herbalism. yoga. but do i? too many years of barely making enough money to buy food and pay rent has crippled my ability to do what i want. i could rely on brni to pay my way. i should. but i can’t. i’m too afraid to take the risk.

and if i don’t? there just isn’t that much time left to goof off. i’m on the downward side of the slope and i need to hurry if i expect to die happy and fulfilled. what is my problem here?

shit.

maybe tomorrow i’ll go out, find that store the drumming circle spoke about and buy a big-ass drum!

but now, i think it’s time for some ben & jerry’s and a glass of vodka.


One response to “ice cream and vodka dreams

  • brni

    you got a good drum. you should take more time to do your stuff. remember, the most that we can lose if things go poorly financially is our stuff.
    and that’s just stuff.

    Like

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