breathing lessons

so much change is in the air.

brni is working around the clock, spending much time on the road. he’s looking to be gone from today until wednesday or so. it’s really quiet when i’m the only one here. kinda strange … there’s a big empty spot that crowds in on me, making me feel self-conscious.

two weeks back at work since the holidaze and my back and hip are totally trashed. brni wants to buy me an expensive chair to take to work. no way. i’ll figure out a cheaper way to deal with it. and anyway, my time there is limited. 74 days and counting.

my poor dad’s situation is distressing. i don’t know really what to do to keep him safe. whichever direction i take him, he won’t understand and will probably hate me for it.

my aunt should be home from the hospital by now. the second day of the new year, she fell down the cellar steps and destroyed her right arm. two surgeries later and she is looking forward to many months of rehab in hopes of getting some feeling and function back. her comment, “i am SO right handed.” heh. maybe it wasn’t so silly to spend six months drawing with my left hand just in case i lost my right arm.

relationships are evolving in ways that i didn’t anticipate, despite the playfulness. this made me catch my breath and it took a day or so to realize i forgot to exhale. with that exhale, i found out how much i love my family and friends and how easy it is to give them the freedom to love me back.

in yoga, breath is everything. you always hear, “breathe into it.” breath is life. breath lightens you by creating space in the body. breath clears the mind and allows you to open to possibility. breath allows you to let go and find freedom in the moment. breath opens the heart.

love and trust is letting go. allowing yourself and others the freedom to express love is only as difficult as breathing.

the world just inhaled, stretched, exhaled and grew lighter. so, despite my job, back, and worries to the contrary, it appears that things are working out just fine.

there’s quite a lot of beauty in all this.

breathe, just breathe.

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