4 days…

until my back surgery and i have no idea how i feel, what i think, and time is all bent out of shape. usually, when i have to wait for something, time takes forever, but not this time. i was counting on this time being longer than it is. i dislike it when time messes with me this way. whoever is in charge of time is not very nice and has a lousy sense of humor and one of these days, i will exact my revenge. i just don’t know when.

tomorrow night i begin my betadine showers. i must wash my body from the neck down in betadine for 3 days prior to surgery. i understand why, but i still find this strangely disconcerting. i don’t look good in orange.

i plan on spending sunday trying to do nothing. i’ll pack my little bag on saturday so that sunday can just happen without any input from me. i might go so far as to stop talking. the only things i must do is remember to stop eating at 9 and stop drinking at midnight. i’ll be interested to find out if i’m able to sleep. i hope brni sleeps. one of us should, though i’m not sure why.

i still don’t know what time we have to be at the hospital on monday. they will call me sunday night to let me know. i don’t understand why they can’t figure this out before then. it all seems much too last minute to put my mind at ease. is this a power thing? a way to keep people from freaking out before they have to? or do they just have no clue what they’re doing? how can i trust people who don’t plan well?

well, anyway, 4 days…


6 responses to “4 days…

  • earlofgrey

    You are so brave and so strong.

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    • lsaboe

      odear…i don’t feel strong or brave. earlier all i wanted to do was burrow down deep in the ground and live with the moles. but then today was so beautiful i wanted so much to go outside and play. so now, the idea of being able to go for a brisk walk is so enticing that my fear of being cut is fading.
      anyway…will you come see me and poke fun at my brace? maybe decorate it with felt or fish bones?

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  • zjman

    Ah, the Doubtful Guest. Love the icon!
    You’ll both me in my heart. Peace, strength, and love to you.
    Having been through several surgeries with , I know how important it is for to get his rest too. He’ll be playing nurse for a little bit. Remind him to keep his empathy in check. 🙂 I know it’s hard to see your lovely lady through recovery in that sense.
    If you need anything let us know. responded well to some Reiki and good old fashioned TLC. We’re here for you two.

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  • uneedak1u

    i’ll be interested to find out if i’m able to sleep.
    Don’t sweat it if you don’t – you’ll be unconscious for a fair portion of Monday, anyway.
    i still don’t know what time we have to be at the hospital on monday …. is this a power thing?
    Honestly, they probably have the surgical schedule set already, but they have to allow for in-patient and emergency surgeries that come up over the weekend, so they have to allow themselves some wiggle room.
    And trust me, I’ve had enough surgeries to appreciate this, because as hard as it is waiting for your surgery date to come, it’s exponentially harder to have a time scheduled, get to the hospital, and be told “The doctor had an emergency and it threw the schedule off.” And then you sit there are wait for 3 more hours that you could have spent at home.
    You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend, but especially on Monday. You know where I am if you need to talk.

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    • lsaboe

      well, that makes sense…i thought it might be something like that, although in my sad state, all sorts of other possibilities made their way into my brain.
      thanks for all the good thoughts and advice. i wish i had more time to get prepared mentally, but at the same time i want this over with NOW. heh…i feel like a ping pong ball.

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