I had a long, disturbing dream last night, a dream that left me awake and shaken at 5am. I won’t bore you with a long, blow by blow, so here’s a summary or rather the gist of the thing…
The dream was dark, foreboding, dangerous. My mood in the dream was one of anger, fear and awe. The beginning of the dream had me trying to recover family items that my father, in his usual self-centered selfishness, had pawned. He told me where the pawn shop was and off I went…but for some reason, I went by bike. I often travel by bicycle in my dreams, and the bike rides are usually harrowing. The sky was dark and overcast and there were puddles, some of them deep and dangerous, all over the streets. Negotiating these puddles was treacherous, and at intervals, there was little or no pavement due to flooded rivers and streams. The streets in this area were full of potholes and litter, defining a depressed and sullen urbanity. Men, some of them barely sprouting whiskers, slouched against buildings, watching the streets for prey. I think my anger kept me safe. Although I felt the threat, the dream wasn’t taking me to this kind of nightmare. I finally reached the place where Dad said the pawn shop was located but no such pawn shop existed. I was so angry, but not at all surprised. My father has an amazing ability to steer a person wrong, whether by intent or ignorance.
Around this point in the dream, things got kinda weird in the way dreams do. Eventually, the water became very important and very threatening. The street I was on skirted the Schuylkill River, which was overflowing it’s banks. I was trying to stay clear of the water, but it was everywhere…in the street, flowing down sidewalks, flooding buildings, saturating the very air. Suddenly, I was in the water. How I got there, I’m not exactly sure. At first I thought I was in a swimming pool then it seemed to be a swimming hole, but in the end, I realized I was in the river.
The water was dark and choppy. No, choppy is not the word at all….it was murderous. I was being pushed, pulled, swirled around, heading for a point…a place where I think there was a violent whirlpool or vortex. This water was sentient and it was mad. It took all my will power to keep my head above the angry, black waves and even more to keep my mouth closed, swallowing my screams. Oddly, there were a lot of people in the water and they didn’t seem very concerned. It was perplexing. Even as I felt my life was in danger, I was wondering why the other people were not only okay but appeared to be having a good time.
The water pulled me relentlessly to the vortex and when I finally arrived there, people were smiling and circling around the vortex as if they were simply floating in a calm swimming pool. I found that if I leaned to the right, I could follow the swirling water easily and with very little effort. It was all so dark and scary, but in the end, it was nothing; it was okay.
I have no clue what all this means, aside from the obvious that I’m angry and bitter towards my father and I’m afraid of being swept up and losing control.
but…it feels like it should mean more.
So, checking email, I found this item which I thought somewhat serendipitous…
Pisces New Moon:
The Journey Homeward
by Simone Butler
Trust is a key word for Pisces. I’m reminded of the Hopi legend about our current “end” times, as we speed toward our evolutionary culmination as a species. The Hopi say we’re in a rushing river, that we should stop clinging to the shore and allow the current to bring us to the river’s calm center. There, we’ll connect with others who’ve also had the courage to let go. Pisces demands surrender to “what is,” rather than railing against what isn’t. Surrender leads to the calm center within. Otherwise, you end up lost in your fears–and the endless cycle of addiction….
so….there you have it. what IT is beats me, but there it is anyway.