is it possible? has something changed? realigned? shifted so that i can free myself of the drudgeries and the burden of spending every day doing things i find annoying and unsatisfying? is it possible i can spend time with people i choose doing things that are meaningful or just fun?
koochy-koo, baby! it just might be!
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last night i quietly banged on my drum while my son strummed his guitar and his friend played the organ. this was an entirely new experience–the spontaneous playing of music. i had no idea what i was doing, but it didn’t matter. it was a very fine thing.
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at 76 you are too young to be as mentally incapacitated as you are, but i guess that’s what happens when you live too hard for too long, abdicating to your wife and children responsibility of the day-to-day. and then your wife dies and your younger daughter gives up and gets a life. and you turn your back on me. and then you get sick and needy and turn around and thrust the duties of your life onto me without even asking. and first you won’t listen and then you can’t listen and now you don’t remember how.
and you fight and you lie and the lies insinuate themselves into your reality and you can’t tell the difference anymore, if you ever could.
and now, i have to pick up all these little pieces of your mind that you scattered about your carpet, but they are so tattered they don’t make a whole you anymore. and now, i have to make doctors tell you that your pieces are missing. and later, i have to make lawyers tell you that your pieces are lost. and we’ll take all the responsibilities, duties and all the stuff you left to others and put it in a little room in a sub-standard warehouse because you threw away everything you made and everything mom made for a shot of cheap whiskey and a game of liars poker.
Croneswood Art 