Category: Uncategorized
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the morons of the world just don’t get it and as long as the world only acts on a “for profit” basis, we are basically doomed. i’m depressed and disgusted by it all.
go read: http://www.commondreams.org/headlines07/0322-01.htm
and this: http://www.commondreams.org/headlines07/0322-03.htm -
i am an impatient thing. i’m 15 days post-op and i am sick of the brace, sick of doing nothing, sick of pain. i feel i should be completely well and my stupid brain does not understand why this is taking so long.
my friends, the visiting nurse and physical therapist all say i have to remember i’m only a couple weeks post-op and these things take time and i should not try to rush myself. at the same time they all ooh and ahh at how quickly the bruising went away and how fast my incision is healing and how well i’m doing with the walking and pain management. today the nurse was amazed that i’m showering on my own and only need brni’s help to wash my back.
so, i’m confused as well as impatient.
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i want spring to be here NOW. i need to get outside and visit my yard and my plants and figure out where i’m going to put what this year. i missed the equinox because of my back and the mucking with time (daylight savings) has gotten me off as well. i hate daylight savings time. why do people think it’s ok to muck with time? when the sun is at the top of the sky it should be noon. end of story.i need to figure out a way to opt out of the whole time thing as it is presently measured. in fact, i need to the study time in terms of calendars as well. i dislike the gregorian calendar mostly because it’s ridiculous to hinge an entire year’s reckoning on when easter happens. so, it appears i need to research calendars and figure out how to make sense of time and apply it so that my year has some practical meaning. i need to know where the moon is, the angle of the sun, the progress of the seasons (no matter how screwed up they are due to climate change). it just might be that i will need to dispense with time-keeping altogether and just watch and think in terms of spirals and ellipses.
hmmm…this may be the answer to the trouble i have with all those xtian holidays that make my life a living hell every winter.
o good! i think i have a project!
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My husband does everything for me. He feeds me, feeds the animals, goes shopping, cleans the house, cleans me! and has generally taken over all the big and small things of daily living. And, he doesn’t complain or show a whiff of irritation. I have failed to catch even a small sigh of regret. I thank him and my gratitude is laden with guilt and angst with a tinge of embarrassment coloring the edges.
Yesterday, I told him he should be proud of himself. He said, “There’s nothing to be proud about. I’m just doing what should be done. I’m just doing what is right.” I said, “I know others who would not be so patient and giving,” and my amazing husband said, “Then they should be ashamed.”
I do not know what I did to deserve such a person in my life, but I humbly thank the universe for my good fortune.
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Bodies are amazing things. I’m so glad I have one that works so well. Granted, I feed it real food, but I’m not obsessive about it. I’ve done terrible things to it over the decades, especially back in the 60s and 70s…ok, I was pretty terrible to it in the 80s too, but not as wantonly as in the two decades previous. I got serious about yoga and started feeding it better in the 90s and with the turn of the century, I gained some wisdom and found my way back to a more earth-centered style of living. My studies of how to live with more kindness in my heart and a lighter foot on the earth has strengthened me in ways that I’m just now beginning to understand.
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Two or three years ago I began studying herbalism in earnest. I chose to study in a tradition that spoke to me of the ancients, of old earth magic and lore, the Wise Woman Tradition. This gives me a real and deep connection with nature; a connection that is intimate and personal. I look at what is growing in my yard, in the woods close by, and choose the plants that have come to me of their own volition. I encourage these weeds of opportunity: dandelion, plantain, feverfew, St. John’s Wort, yellow dock, chicory and other “lawn weeds.” I plant perennial and annual herbs and flowers and vegetables that support me, my family and the birds and other critters who live here. I make my medicines from these humble but powerful allies.
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my days are too small and boring. i’m either pacing the floor, reclining in my chair or trying to find a comfortable position in bed. one moment i’m thrilled to be alive and healing and other moments i’m just sad and depressed and tired of pain. the one constant is that i hate my brace.
i’ve been home from the hospital for 11 days now and i’m really getting a bit crazy. because of the ice, rain and snow, i haven’t been able to walk outside for days. i can’t sit and paint or even draw for very long. my mind just drifts off into a fuzzy nowhere place. i’m sure this is because of all the pain meds, but still…
i may ask brni to shovel the snow drift away from the back door so that i can do nothing outside instead of in here. but he’s still sleeping…
it appears i’m in danger of rambling instead of writing. i will stop now and post this pitiful thing.
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so, i’ve decided that i’ve typed enough about my surgery. everything else that happened was covered more than adequately by brni.
a few words about recovery might be forthcoming, but hopefully, as my world gets a bit larger, it’ll get more interesting. right now i’m so limited and essentially confined to pacing the downstairs, reclining in my chair or lying in my bed. heh–not a whole lot of fodder there. plus, my energy levels are at an all time low.
i tried to catch up on all things bloggish, but wow….you all let life go on as usual and i haven’t had the energy to go back in time as far as march 5.
well, thanks to all for caring. this has been a painful but amazing journey so far, and i’ve gained a new level of appreciation for my friends and family.
well, it’s time to get up and pace the floor.
Croneswood Art 