• lying down with dogs

    May 24, 2005
    Uncategorized

    Dreamt of Loki last night…a very complicated, convoluted, just plain bizarre dream. Loki had about 2 dozen puppies. They were very, very tiny, about 3 or 4 inches in length with Loki’s coloring and markings. I was looking out over the back yard which was much more massive and glorious than my yard. Everything got rather dark and the sky looked to be brewing a storm. I began to panic with the realization that I needed to get the pups inside quickly. I dashed outside and began gathering them up in my arms, then running back to the house through the basement door. Everywhere I looked, I saw another pup curled up in the grass. It was so dark, I could barely see them and was in terror of missing one or more.

    Finally, I was certain I had them all. They were all over the basement, getting into nooks and crannies, under steps, tucked in corners. I needed to get them into a crate or cage, but Loki’s old crate was still at Brni’s brother’s place and the large crate we used for Precious when she was too old and infirm to deal with the high shelves in her ig cage was just too large. I went upstairs and was surprised to see that Brni had gathered the pups up and put them in a crate that I’d never seen before.

    Then I realized that we had no puppy food for them and they’d not eaten for 24 hours! In this dreamtime, puppies could not survive more than 24 hours without food, so I dashed off to Braxton’s to buy food for them. I thought I’d just run to the store, but then realized that driving would be quicker and I could run other errands on the way back. I don’t remember ever really getting to the store and buying the food, but at some point, I was back at the house and the pups were ok.

    (This is an old theme that has pervaded my dreams for many years. In the midst of the dream, I find I’ve neglected something very important. I am usually riddled with guilt at my irresponsible behavior, which I tend to carry with me into waking time.)

    There was a woman sitting in our living room who was there to adopt one of the pups. She was talking about how she was against kissing animals or holding them in any way. I wanted this vile woman out of the house and pulled Brni aside to tell him that she would never get one of our puppies and to just get her name and address and tell her we’d let her know. I told Brni to start a list, but he wanted to write her name and address down on a little slip of paper. I told him no, I wanted a list of names on one piece of paper instead of a bunch of little slips of paper. This apparently was a problem for him and I was getting rather angry at being contradicted in front of others. I don’t remember how this ended…

    At some point, I found myself outside again…or this could have been earlier in the dream…it’s hard to track the order of events. But, there were many people all milling about the yard, going in and out of the house. Loki jumped up on a chair and began to pee very hard. The pee streamed through the slats in the chair to the ground, where it created a small puddle. I was shocked and said, “Loki, what are you doing?” Loki answered me,”Fishing.” Loki jumped down and ate a small, curled up grub which floated up from the middle of the puddle of pee. Then Loki jumped on the bench (we had a bench!) and proceeded to do the same thing. I pointed this out to Brni and said, “Listen. Loki, what are you doing?” She said, “Hunting,” and from the puddle of pee floated an earth worm.

    We were astounded by her brilliance but a little grossed out by her method.

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  • ice cream and vodka dreams

    May 20, 2005
    Uncategorized

    how can it be? a child just turning 21 can be so comfortable with who she is…with no doubts that she is on the right path with the right people, about to do important things. i can hardly remember turning 21. my son was 2 years old and my husband and i would split up later that year. it was all a blur then and my vision hasn’t yet cleared.

    i know more now. i managed to marry 3 men, raise 2 men, bury my mother and her entire family. i made stupid mistakes, compromised much, made little headway, and traded art for bread. but i did survive. with regrets.

    somehow, i am in a good place now. i could pursue what i love. drawing. painting. digital art. food. herbalism. yoga. but do i? too many years of barely making enough money to buy food and pay rent has crippled my ability to do what i want. i could rely on brni to pay my way. i should. but i can’t. i’m too afraid to take the risk.

    and if i don’t? there just isn’t that much time left to goof off. i’m on the downward side of the slope and i need to hurry if i expect to die happy and fulfilled. what is my problem here?

    shit.

    maybe tomorrow i’ll go out, find that store the drumming circle spoke about and buy a big-ass drum!

    but now, i think it’s time for some ben & jerry’s and a glass of vodka.

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  • Protected: if it hurts at work, it must be summer

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    This content is password-protected. To view it, please enter the password below.

  • eat that weed

    May 9, 2005
    Uncategorized

    so, i have just found out the identity of this weed that is everywhere in my yard and gully.
    garlic mustard. a very invasive alien that is taking over the woodlands of this great nation as we speak.
    what to do? what to do?
    well, the Patapsco River Valley people have a fine solution! Son, Michael, you may want to check this out since it’s in your neck of the woods.
    http://www.patapscoheritagegreenway.org/garlic5/gmus.htm

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  • trillium

    May 8, 2005
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    look what came up in my yard this spring…

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  • things are not as they seem…

    May 5, 2005
    Uncategorized

    my friend thinks that the recent buzzing bad vibes that have been bothering us at work and elsewhere is the result of magnetic fluctuations.

    the other day, we both experienced not only a palpable but visible change in the atmosphere. it was truly strange. we both described being able to see vibrations or waves in the air and they did not feel comforting.
    computers, printers and people all started acting up, breaking down, blowing up.

    the residual effects are still ongoing.

    i’m rethinking that my irritability and sensitivity is due to lack of nicotine. i’m sure it’s something more.

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Croneswood Art

art and nature tangled in thorny vines of vulture bones and crow feathers.

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